Automatic Waiting

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:33:03 GMT

you'll always be the same.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:26:35 GMT

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:19:00 GMT

let's say i've been opening effexor capsules, smoking wormwood & listening to courtney love all day to try & understand you better

gulag look.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:16:18 GMT

114.4 lbs. but who's counting

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:28:32 GMT

all reactionaries should be lined up and shot.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:28:03 GMT

all revolutionaries should be lined up and shot.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 19:23:03 GMT

all ritualists should be lined up and shot.

dead people don't make sense.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:53:07 GMT

all you have to do (in life) is die.

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 18:52:06 GMT

"self-improvement really isn't my gig."

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 05:45:20 GMT

Oh,
I
know

I too shall cease and be as when I was not yet, only all over instead of in store. That makes me happy, often now my murmur falters and dies and I weep for happiness as I go along and for love of this old earth

that has carried me so long and whose uncomplainingness will soon be mine. Just under the surface I shall be, all together at first, then separate, and drift through all the earth and perhaps in the end through a cliff into the sea, something of me.

A ton of worms in an acre, that is a wonderful thought,
a ton of worms, I believe it.

--- Samuel Beckett in
From an Abandoned Work

in the state i've worked myself up in

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 04:28:28 GMT

if i could begin to tell you one thing, i would never finish
(everything i don't know is telling you a secret)

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:19:19 GMT

the dry tears endangerment.

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 05:38:54 GMT

listless dreams of more modest refusals

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 16:30:29 GMT

human is orphaned prison chaingang of undelegated oblivion.

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:47:51 GMT

they've taken even the rudiments to construct a makeshift exit.

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 19:45:31 GMT

willpower is at an all-time low, with an allergy to stimulation. it's like the death itself is saying "be quiet, let us finish. we're working."

don't remember writing this.

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:07:16 GMT

doing the 'cry-when-i-cum' thing again.

2003-2009

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:20:48 GMT

i'm retiring.

w.s. (parts of a world)

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 11:50:24 GMT

THE DWARF

Now it is September and the web is woven.
The web is woven and you have to wear it.

The winter is made and you have to bear it,
The winter web, the winter woven, wind and wind,

For all the thoughts of summer that go with it
In the mind, pupa of straw, moppet of rags.

It is the mind that is woven, the mind that was jerked
And tufted in straggling thunder and shuttered sun.

It is all that you are, the final dwarf of you,
That is woven and woven and waiting to be worn,

Neither as mask nor as garment but as a being,
Torn from insipid summer, for the mirror of cold,

Sitting beside your lamp, there citron to nibble
And coffee dribble . . . . Frost is in the stubble.

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:06:54 GMT

the natural enemy of humans is trees. pulp nonfiction.

???

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:43:54 GMT

life is good.

everywhere is a hall of mirrors 2 miles northwest of the semiotic abyss 'human-kind'

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:41:34 GMT

you don't open books; books open you.

planet earth is a hell of a drug.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:18:50 GMT

downtown LA is dispossessed.

not unlike jones, i can't let this go.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:11:17 GMT

(1 minute 44 seconds of your life to pay your respects to 913 lives of world-historic significance)

jack henry abot limns the subjective phenomenology of akathisia.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 15:06:20 GMT

"These drugs, in this family, do not calm or sedate the nerves. They attack. They attack from so deep inside you, you cannot locate the source of the pain ... The muscles of your jawbone go berserk, so that you bite the inside of your mouth and your jaw locks and the pain throbs. For hours every day this will occur. Your spinal column stiffens so that you can hardly move your head or your neck and sometimes your back bends like a bow and you cannot stand up. The pain grinds into your fiber ... You ache with restlessness, so you feel you have to walk, to pace. And then as soon as you start pacing, the opposite occurs to you; you must sit and rest. Back and forth, up and down you go in pain you cannot locate, in such wretched anxiety you are overwhelmed, because you cannot get relief even in breathing.

it's a feeling that if you've ever had once, it unseats your self-concept, you're never naive about phantom pain again. i thought those episodes of unreachability were my 3 AM panic attacks from even before i tried any drug but paxil. now i know better.