Automatic Waiting

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T16:32:00

2009-07-15T20:33:03Z

you'll always be the same.

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T16:26:00

2009-07-15T20:26:35Z

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T16:18:00

2009-07-15T20:19:00Z

let's say i've been opening effexor capsules, smoking wormwood & listening to courtney love all day to try & understand you better

gulag look.

2009-07-15T20:16:18Z

114.4 lbs. but who's counting

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T15:28:00

2009-07-15T19:28:32Z

all reactionaries should be lined up and shot.

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T15:27:00

2009-07-15T19:28:03Z

all revolutionaries should be lined up and shot.

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T15:19:00

2009-07-15T19:23:03Z

all ritualists should be lined up and shot.

dead people don't make sense.

2009-07-15T18:53:07Z

all you have to do (in life) is die.

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T14:51:00

2009-07-15T18:52:06Z

"self-improvement really isn't my gig."

agraphia @ 2009-07-15T01:45:00

2009-07-15T05:45:20Z

Oh,
I
know

I too shall cease and be as when I was not yet, only all over instead of in store. That makes me happy, often now my murmur falters and dies and I weep for happiness as I go along and for love of this old earth

that has carried me so long and whose uncomplainingness will soon be mine. Just under the surface I shall be, all together at first, then separate, and drift through all the earth and perhaps in the end through a cliff into the sea, something of me.

A ton of worms in an acre, that is a wonderful thought,
a ton of worms, I believe it.

--- Samuel Beckett in
From an Abandoned Work

in the state i've worked myself up in

2009-07-15T04:28:28Z

if i could begin to tell you one thing, i would never finish
(everything i don't know is telling you a secret)

agraphia @ 2009-07-14T20:18:00

2009-07-15T00:19:19Z

the dry tears endangerment.

agraphia @ 2009-07-11T01:38:00

2009-07-11T05:38:54Z

listless dreams of more modest refusals

agraphia @ 2009-07-10T12:29:00

2009-07-10T16:30:29Z

human is orphaned prison chaingang of undelegated oblivion.

agraphia @ 2009-07-09T15:47:00

2009-07-09T19:47:51Z

they've taken even the rudiments to construct a makeshift exit.

agraphia @ 2009-07-09T15:44:00

2009-07-09T19:45:31Z

willpower is at an all-time low, with an allergy to stimulation. it's like the death itself is saying "be quiet, let us finish. we're working."

don't remember writing this.

2009-07-09T13:07:16Z

doing the 'cry-when-i-cum' thing again.

2003-2009

2009-07-07T21:20:48Z

i'm retiring.

w.s. (parts of a world)

2009-07-07T11:50:24Z

THE DWARF

Now it is September and the web is woven.
The web is woven and you have to wear it.

The winter is made and you have to bear it,
The winter web, the winter woven, wind and wind,

For all the thoughts of summer that go with it
In the mind, pupa of straw, moppet of rags.

It is the mind that is woven, the mind that was jerked
And tufted in straggling thunder and shuttered sun.

It is all that you are, the final dwarf of you,
That is woven and woven and waiting to be worn,

Neither as mask nor as garment but as a being,
Torn from insipid summer, for the mirror of cold,

Sitting beside your lamp, there citron to nibble
And coffee dribble . . . . Frost is in the stubble.

agraphia @ 2009-07-07T02:06:00

2009-07-07T06:06:54Z

the natural enemy of humans is trees. pulp nonfiction.

???

2009-07-07T05:43:54Z

life is good.

everywhere is a hall of mirrors 2 miles northwest of the semiotic abyss 'human-kind'

2009-07-07T05:41:34Z

you don't open books; books open you.

planet earth is a hell of a drug.

2009-07-05T17:18:50Z

downtown LA is dispossessed.

not unlike jones, i can't let this go.

2009-07-05T17:11:17Z

(1 minute 44 seconds of your life to pay your respects to 913 lives of world-historic significance)

jack henry abot limns the subjective phenomenology of akathisia.

2009-07-05T15:06:20Z

"These drugs, in this family, do not calm or sedate the nerves. They attack. They attack from so deep inside you, you cannot locate the source of the pain ... The muscles of your jawbone go berserk, so that you bite the inside of your mouth and your jaw locks and the pain throbs. For hours every day this will occur. Your spinal column stiffens so that you can hardly move your head or your neck and sometimes your back bends like a bow and you cannot stand up. The pain grinds into your fiber ... You ache with restlessness, so you feel you have to walk, to pace. And then as soon as you start pacing, the opposite occurs to you; you must sit and rest. Back and forth, up and down you go in pain you cannot locate, in such wretched anxiety you are overwhelmed, because you cannot get relief even in breathing.

it's a feeling that if you've ever had once, it unseats your self-concept, you're never naive about phantom pain again. i thought those episodes of unreachability were my 3 AM panic attacks from even before i tried any drug but paxil. now i know better.